She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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