so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Did you pee in the oven last night??
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
