tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
