But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
