You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
