ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
