ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
