Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
