walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
