He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
