i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
