im gay
i know
yea but for you.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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