I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
