Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
