i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
