I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
