your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
