omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
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