I love black thongs
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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