he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
