he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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