Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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