susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
