im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
even my farts smell like vagina
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
When are your genitals available?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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