She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
