i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
