I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
40s are totally the cure
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
