24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I enjoy the company of your penis
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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