Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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