well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
