What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
