mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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