he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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