Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
