yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
