I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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