goodnight i made you a song goodbye
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
