i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
