In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
