I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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