i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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