ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
