i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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