24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
