I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
