Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
