Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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