So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
