Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
