you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
