you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
