I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
