We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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