turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
