Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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