his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
