took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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