If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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