he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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