it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
