took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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