sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
