forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Non-Jews are for practice
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize