i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
