If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
