And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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