You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
