I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
