Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
